relationships

End The Honeymoon “Phase”

I hear all the time from friends and girlfriends that they wish they had the relationship that my S/O and I have.. No I’m not bragging or exaggerating. Yes, my boyfriend and I have more great days than bad. He spoils me rotten and I do the same for him every chance I get. It’s just what we do. He listens when I speak and always validates my feelings. It’s not a fairy tale or that he feels he has to but he genuinely WANTS to. It’s part of who he is. Granted we have not spent years upon years together but I honestly feel like the longer our relationship progresses the better it gets. Yes, there are days I want to shove him into oncoming traffic on a freeway, and I’m sure he’s thought about all the places he can hide my body in the backyard, but that’s part of being a human that lives in close quarters with another human. Things happen, tempers rise, feelings get hurt. It’s how you deal with all those things that make or break a couple.

One thing that seems to have worked for my relationship is ending the “honeymoon phase” on our own and not just let it ride it’s course. At the beginning of a relationship it’s all giggles and butterflies. Nothing really of substance occurs and you two just enjoy learning each other and basking in the ambiance of happiness that surrounds you. It’s a very enjoyable head space to be in while it is going but like all relationships at the beginning it’s a roller coaster of emotion. One minute you are so in love and then the next you are anxious and self conscience about your relationship and you feel as though it is slipping through your fingers.. Stop. Just stop.  Ask yourself if the person your are having these feelings about is the one that you are going to CHOOSE to love for the rest of your life. If the answer is no, let him/her go and don’t look back. Nobody is worth stressing over if you don’t see the future you want with them. If the answer is yes, stay tuned boys and girls because the real advise is about to begin..

First off, communicate. I know everyone says that they talk to their partner about everything but how many of you actually do. Rather than saving the hard questions for later on down the road when more strings get attached, ask them now. Do they want kids? How many children? Thoughts on marriage? Future house or apartment? Do you want to rent or own? What are your dreams? What is your biggest fear? Who is the person that you hate the most in this world and why? That last one sounds weird but it will help you understand what quality someone has shown them that hurt them the most (greed, adultery, lying, etc.) and give you the ability to assure them with your actions that you will not treat them that way. If you go in to the relationship almost like a job interview it will help to get you both on the same page in what each other wants to get out of it. Approaching a relationship like this also helps ease you into deep conversations quicker and essentially fast tracking you to the point of knowing their soul. Things are a hell of a lot easier if you know someone’s soul. It makes them easier to love and your job less hard.

Second is that you have to put in work, to get work. “He doesn’t buy me flowers anymore!” “She never surprises me on my lunch break anymore!” “He is always on his phone during our alone time!”.. See the pattern here? You are too busy picking at your partners faults that you don’t stop and see what you are doing either. When was the last time you surprised him with his favorite treat? When was the last time you went to see her on her lunch break? And I know damn well the second you saw him pick up his phone you grabbed yours. Accountability people. Yes, there are a few people out there who are just perfect and never deserve to have a partner that gets complacent in the relationship. Fuck off, you two. Then there is the rest of us that fall into the degenerates category and learn to love our fat sweats over skinny jeans while at home relaxing on our days off. The only way to get out of complacency is to change the routine. So surprise him with his favorite snack, buy her the flowers, put the phones down. Make the change and then tell your partner how much you missed the things they used to do and you want to get back to that part of your relationship. If they don’t agree, bye Felicia. The relationship will only be as happy as you make it and you have to put in effort every day to make your partner feel appreciated and loved.

Society today has labeled it the “honeymoon phase” but in reality it’s an excuse. If someone is really treating you great and you both are ridiculously happy you hear “Oh hunny you are just going through the ‘honeymoon phase’, it’ll pass”. Fast forward a couple years and things are dull. You complain to your friends that your partner isn’t trying as hard as they used to and now all of a sudden you hear “well that’s because you are out of the ‘honeymoon phase'”. I’m sorry but I never got the final time frame of when this “phase” is supposed to end, anybody else? Society has used it as an excuse for shitty behavior and complacency. An excuse to not put in the effort it takes to maintain a relationship. If you communicate and put in the effort, the “phase” will never end and you will live in bliss for the rest of your days. So here’s to putting and end to the honeymoon “phase”! I hope this helps someone who needed to see it.

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